I feel like the whole world has banded together to try to make my life easier.
People are so unbelievable! My sister Melanie talked to her eye doctor who is married to the PA for the doctor we didn't have an appointment with, but wished we did. She, Jami McKell, totally arranged everything for us so that we could have the doctor we really wanted. Dr. Howard Reichman has been the surgeon for my father, grandmother, and sister. We just keep getting recommendation after recommendation for him. We got to speak with him this morning. He suggested that, based on the color of the tumor, it didn't appear to be malignant. So that's the good news! We're really happy with the doctor so far. He seems to genuinely care and he checks to make sure you understand what he's telling you. That's such a good trait in a doctor!
The bad news is that the tumor is in a very hard to reach spot that is very risky to access. Like, we're talking paraylization risky. But here's some more good news: When God is helping you, nothing is impossible. He can make it work if He wants to. Which hopefully He does, because it would be awfully hard to be an aerialist if I was paralyzed.
But here's some more bad news: I just got off the phone with Dr. Reichman for the second time today and he says that I need to have a biopsy, probably this Friday and they have to use a navigational system to find the tumor where they put tracking markers all over my head.
This requires me to SHAVE MY HEAD!
Now, I wish I could tell you that I have the right perspective about this and that losing my hair is a small sacrifice to make for my health, but that's not how I really feel. I'm totally devastated! I am so upset about this. I don't even know how I will go through with it! Hair is kind of a big thing for me. I went to hair school, and love fashion and hair & makeup. I even won a YouTube competition last year for the video below Joe shot that won us both a trip to Cancun!
I'm not gonna lie, I did get a little excited thinking about trying out something really fun like going for a "Storm" look from X-MEN. I'm not totally opposed to trying something different, but I don't have a lot of faith in the local wig selection. And considering that I can hardly stand to wear my wedding ring, I'm guessing that it will be really uncomfortable.
Of course, I'm willing to go through with this and recognize that it's necessary. The thing with trials is that, by definition, they have to be hard. If it doesn't totally drive you mad it can't really be considered a trial. The things that are so trying and so far out of our comfort zone are what help us rely on the Lord. So, hopefully I can hurry up and rely on Him and get this whole thing over with. This is about to get really REAL really fast! Everyone keeps asking what they can do to help… I could use some wig advice right about now… anyone? I'm gonna go totally Betsie Ten Boom and say, I'm grateful I get to shave my head and try a new hairstyle!
Luke 21:17-18 "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake. But there shall not an hair of your head perish."
Sorry to hear about your trial right now! (I came across your blog thru a facebook link that my sister-in-law posted.) I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 3 years ago so I know a little what you are going through. I bought my wig through the website tlcdirect.org. They have lots of styles and colors to choose from and they were very quick in shipping. Definitely make sure you get a wig liner to wear under the wig - it will make it much more comfortable. Also be sure you have some nice, soft hats around because your head will be very cold with no hair. I was surprised with how cold I got with nothing on my head.
ReplyDeleteI love to read all your posts Lauren!! Keep em coming!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteLauren, I read about what you're going through. You have been in my thoughts and more importantly my prayers. Sending love to you and your family! lots of love Gantrie
ReplyDeleteMy friend Bethany Packard told me about your brain tumor so I wanted to read about it since I also had a brain tumor.
ReplyDeleteBack in April, the day after I turned 30, instead of watching General Conference I threw up that day and slept. A few days later we found out I had a pretty large brain tumor on the left side. Anyway, I've been through a lot. My tumor surgery was August. That's when part of my hair was buzzed. Then radiation was for 6 weeks every Monday-Friday. I lost more hair and felt sick. Now starting in November I'm having Chemo pills 1 week a month until September.
What you're going through is a little different, but I totally get the feelings. You're doing awesome! Like you I felt like I could go to see Heavenly Father, but I didn't want to leave my young kids behind. They are 4 boys 8 years old and younger.
You can read the posts I put on my blog about what I've been going through. I'll try to keep up with you. You can do this! You will find that you have more strength than you even felt was possible to have on Earth.
-Kathryn
kathryncooperwrites.com
Sorry I forgot to mention that the 4 posts I put on my blog are listed on the right column. So just scroll down a little bit, and you'll see it on the right side.
ReplyDeleteKathryn Cooper Writes
Lauren, you are an amazingly strong woman. I am sure the Lord will be watching over you throughout. I will be remembering you in my prayers. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing your thoughts and feelings! I see brain tumors often enough that it's nice to see the patient's thoughts and perspective. This is the first and only time YOU have experienced it, and I think your perspective helps me be a better provider and care giver for future patient's.
ReplyDeleteI had a patient keep her own hair and make a wig out of her own hair! While it was nice to try new styles......this was a saving grace for her! I can find out who did it for her if you like?
Also, interestingly enough.... Kathryn Cooper who has an amazing blog above had surgery at MD Anderson Cancer center, and I worked there for 3 years in their lab. Small world. ; )
You have my number if you have questions.....I'll be around during the holiday before your surgery. -- Jami
P.S. The link associated with this post is to a super old blog that I don't have time to maintain. Don't read too much into it ; )
Oh and by the way, it's OK to cry about your hair! I think it's pretty normal actually, not selfish or superficial. One of the nurses that work on the heart floor at UVRMC came to the ER crying about her hair when she had a tumor. She also had a history of being cosmetologist, and chose to keep it short. You never know?
DeleteJami! You were the beginning of the blessings! Thank you so much.
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