Call me Houdini

My neurosurgeon, Dr. Reichman, called me, after hearing about the change in diagnosis. He is so great, he says he feels responsible for me.  He said, "I own you now because I shaved your head and gave you a big scar."  He intends to stay involved with my case and help me get the best answers and treatment.  He said that it in the 20 years he has worked with these pathologists, he has never had any problems with them and thinks they are so dependable that he wanted to send the biopsy for another opinion at Stanford.  I guess, the more opinions, the better, right?  Except that I don't really want another opinion.  I like the last one, it's my favorite.  I do realize that it is better to have more certainty.  I wouldn't want to have cancer and not be treating it!  So now we're back to waiting for pathology results.  Story of my life.  I'm a little concerned that I may have caused a stir with the pathologists.  If I could talk to them, I would say, please don't be upset about my new diagnosis!  I'm sorry if it made you look like you were wrong or like you made a mistake, but I don't look at this as a medical misdiagnosis, at all!  I look at it as a miraculous healing!  This blog has had almost 40,000 page views!  There are a lot of people offering prayers in my behalf!  For all I know, the prayers could have altered the molecular structure of my biopsy samples!  Have you seen this video about Dr. Emoto's experiments with water crystals?  It's so amazing!  We watched it in our Young Women's lessson on Sunday.  I just love it!

After watching that I thought, maybe I should have had Dr. Reichman take a piece of paper with the word "healed" written on it and just leave it there in my brain.  Maybe I'll try taping it to my forehead instead.  Who knows?  Maybe the next time they do an MRI, there will be a beautiful crystal formation in place of the demyelinating lesion that was there before?

So, I have no idea how long Stanford will take to look at my biopsy sample or when to expect results from that.  I have an appointment at Reichman's office on Tuesday and I will ask then.

Dr. Reichman also said that he had several friends that have MS and that he has some great connections and that he could help me find some good doctors to help me if that is my diagnosis.  He said we needed to set up a lumbar puncture for Monday to test the spinal fluid for markers that would indicate MS or other things.


This whole time, we have just been processing one thing at a time and not looking very much ahead.  I think that has helped us not get too overwhelmed, just taking it one day at a time.  When I heard about the tumor, all I thought was, "I have a tumor." I didn't think too deeply into what that could mean for the future.  I just faced each obstacle one day at a time.  Having to shave my hair was obstacle number one.  That kept me really busy and even distracted me from the serious threat of my upcoming brain surgery.  Luckily, by the time I realized that I should be concerned about my surgery, I didn't have a lot of time to worry about it.  Obstacle number two was the surgery and recovering from it.  Check!  Check!  Back to my analogy of living life like playing dodge ball, I'm still kind of doing that, aren't I?  I didn't even have to shave my head!  Boy, am I glad that all of my friends didn't shave their heads to support me! (several offered)  I would have felt really funny walking around with my hair extensions clipped in and seeing all of you completely bald!  So, I got through surgery with almost all of my hair still intact, came out of surgery with all of my brain functions, and have felt consistently stronger and healthier every day since!  If you are playing dodge ball, you probably want me on your team, I'm just sayin'.  Coming out of successful surgery was so joyful I forgot to wonder what the results would be!  Then!  Even after receiving an incurable, terminal cancer diagnosis, I managed to dodge that as well!  From now on, you can call me Houdini :)

I am continuing in the tradition of enjoying each moment and victory and not worrying too much about what lies ahead.  There are still so many unknowns.  I have been celebrating without even knowing what I actually have to deal with. I may have an uncurable debilitating disease.  I did have another moment of fear the other day when I looked up Lou Gehrig's disease and realized that it is a demyelinating disease that could be considered WORSE than cancer.  Patients have a mean survival of 3-5 years and almost certain paralyzation.  I realize that I am not fully educated in all the conditions that I could have and may be celebrating prematurely, but so far, the one day at a time method is working for me. 

Right now, I'm not praying so much for answers as I am praying for the absence of disease in my body and the ability to heal any if it is there. When doctors have answers, it's because they found something wrong.  I don't want them to find anything...well...besides the happy crystal formation on my next brain scan!

One of the reasons it's hard to imagine having a really serious disease is because I feel so healthy!  I'm not 100% back to myself yet, but I am improving so quickly!  The first time I went grocery shopping, my legs felt weak just from walking around the store.  But then yesterday, I put in a full day's work!  I meal planned, grocery shopped, cleaned, organized and cooked.  It was a fantastic day, the kind of day where you collapse into bed at night with a sore back and feel like you really accomplished something.  Could I really be dying when I feel so well?

Tomorrow marks the four week mark since surgery.  That's how long I was supposed to avoid straining and lifting. I am anxious to scoop up Elyse and hold my little pumpkin princess like I've been tempted to all this time, especially when she's wearing fuzzy jammies.  I just can't resist holding a little kid in fuzzy jammies!  I had planned to resume my workout schedule on Saturday, but since I just had the lumbar puncture on Monday, I might wait until next Monday to jump into that again.  That is not going to be pretty!  I'm sure I will be shocked at how much strength I've lost.  It will take a lot of positive thinking to not let that discourage me.  I worked so hard to get to where I was. As long as I have a lifetime to get it back, I will just be grateful for that.

Speaking of the lumbar puncture, that was on Monday.  I was a little nervous going into it, worried it would be really painful.  One of my epidurals was pretty painful.  The beauty of it was that they did it with live X-ray so they could see exactly where to guide the needle.  Medicine really has come so far, even though it still has so far to go!  I'm grateful for it and how it's helping me.  It actually wasn't that bad!  I mean I wouldn't choose to do it if I didn't have to, but it wasn't as painful as I expected.  After the procedure, they told me to stay down for about 24 hours to avoid spinal fluid leaking and causing a spinal headache.  I've heard about those and they do not sound fun!  My mom stayed over to take care of the kids and get them to school the next day.  Sweet friends from church brought a yummy dinner and I used the downtime to organize my finances.  That has been going undone since we found out about the '"tumor."  Hopefully, Dave Ramsey will understand.  I'm so glad to be back on top of everything again!

I'm expecting to hear the results of the lumbar puncture in the next few days and will repost when I do.  Same with the third opinion from Stanford. Thanks everyone, love you all so much!  Life is great!  Please stop serving me because I am so behind on thanking people! :)